The Giving Store
by chezchuckles
Summary: An Ellery Companion in the Dash Universe. A girls' day out with Kate, Allie, and Ellery.
1. Chapter 1

**The Giving Store:** an Ellery Companion

* * *

 _The tree was so happy she could hardly speak.  
_ _-The Giving Tree, Shel Silverstein_

* * *

 **For Shelby  
because sometimes Ella is you  
**

* * *

Kate Castle leans over and takes the little hand in hers, fingers curling around Ellery's wrist to make sure she has a good hold on her. Ellery isn't at all like Dashiell was at this age - no _dashing_ \- but she's definitely sly and clever enough to look up at her mother as the subway doors open and then obstinately step right out as they close.

Ella is incorrigible like that. She's her own little person, knows her own mind, even if she's completely wrong.

"Remember, baby girl," Kate murmurs. She knows Ellery has to lean in to hear her over the sounds of the subway, but Kate has discovered that quietness is the fastest way to get both of her kids to listen. "We're going to meet Allie. You want to see Allie before she leaves, don't you?"

Ella lifts her chin and gives a nod, silent and watchful. Her eyes trail past Kate to look out the doors of the subway car as they open at the station. Kate keeps her hand firmly around Ellery's, projecting calm and control. Half the battle with Ella is maintaing confidence.

Kate eyes the crowded subway car, noting the busker who's coming through with a coffee cup. She shifts her free hand to her back pocket, searching for something to give even as Ellery tugs sharply on her coat. Fierce little Ella, whose scowling face is demanding attention even in her absolute silence. Demanding, up on her toes to get at her mother.

Kate finds a crumpled dollar - change from the bottle of water she bought at the corner store - and she slips it into Ellery's waiting hand. Ella gives her that pleased smile, eyes crinkling, and Kate crouches to scoop up her daughter into her arms so the girl can reach. She leans them both against the pole as the subway car swerves roughly around a corner.

The street person shuffles forward and commuters part automatically for him, most ignoring the cup. But Ellery leans out eagerly from Kate's hip, flapping the dollar in the man's direction, still not speaking but definitely drawing attention.

A few smiles, a few frowns, and the man is giving a gap-toothed grin to Ellery as he offers up the cup. Ella deposits the dollar with some ceremony, and then she leans back into Kate, clasping her hands together, her grin wide and proud.

The man tips his head at Kate, leans in and smiles at her daughter. "Thank you ever so much, little doll," he grumbles to Ella.

Ellery hugs herself, so pleased, and then - before Kate can move - leans out and pats the man's shoulder, as if sending him on his way.

He chuckles and goes, pushing through to the front end of the car, and Kate catches Ellery under the arm to bring her daughter back against her body before she can be over-balanced.

She sees a couple passengers frowning, displeased, passing judgment, but Kate brushes her lips across Ellery's cheek, nudging her nose into her daughter's. "You have a kind heart, Ella."

Ellery gives back a rare and precious, " _Mommy_." In it is the whole of the world and love itself, and Kate wraps her arm around Ella's neck.

She forces the girl into a hug, her daughter wriggling as she cuddles against her chest. Kate murmurs love in her ear, cupping the side of her face. " _Volim te, mala svraka_."

Ella doesn't say anything more, but she does start to hum against Kate's shoulder, settling in, little arms around her neck. Kate thinks she recognizes the song, wishes and stars, and she rubs her daughter's back, humming herself.

At the next station, the homeless man leaves, disappears, and Ellery, so proud, is still snuggled against her mother.

* * *

It's just outside the pharmacy on 68th Street that they meet up with Allie. She arrived first and is sheltered in a doorway, gaze on her phone, thumbs moving. Kate has spotted her before she's seen them. A darker lock of red hair has curled around her chin and brushes her lips so that Allie has to push it back, hook it behind her ear.

Ella is already leaning forward as if to urge her mother faster, faster. Kate wouldn't let her walk when they got off the subway, too crowded, but the girl has been content to be carried through the streets like the queen of the realm.

Castle really has to stop babying her. This total absorption with her needs might have worked as a parenting style for Alexis, but Kate can already tell that their baby girl has grown somewhat imperious. She'll never deign to talk if they carry on like this.

"Okay, okay," she murmurs near Ella's ear. "I see her. We have to wait for the light so we can cross safely."

Ellery grunts and slumps back into Kate's clasp, one arm hooked around Kate's neck, fingers up at the base of Kate's skull. Dashiell used to do that, curl his fingers in her hair. He still does even now when he's tired, but Ellery doesn't. Not usually. She hopes it's not a sign that the girl is cranky, ready to tantrum. Not when their day is so full.

The lights change and, across the street, Allie lifts her head at the movement, catches sight of them. The grin lights up her whole face and she winds her way right to them, stopping foot traffic as she takes Ellery.

"Hey, Ella-bug, oh. You've got such a fierce hug today. Thank you."

Kate smiles, nudges Allie out of the flow of pedestrians, lets them pause to one side so Ella can have the entirety of her big sister's attention.

Cheek to cheek with Ellery, Allie grins at Kate, offers an arm for a side-hug. Kate slips in beside her, hugs her back, and then steps away to give the girls room.

"So what are we doing on our girls' day out?" Allie asks, tugging down Ellery's purple shirt. "Is it a surprise, Ellery-Kate?"

"I not know," Ella whispers, leaning in close. She puts her hands to Allie's cheeks and blinks rapidly, exaggeratedly, but Allie must know exactly what the girl wants. Kate watches them give butterfly kisses until Ellery giggles and squirms, pushing her hands down between them and ducking her chin to her chest.

"It's a surprise," Kate tells her. "And it took some fast talking to get your dad to agree."

Allie lifts a stunned look to Kate. "Dad wouldn't care-"

"I mean - oh, no, that's not what it sounds like," Kate protests, chuckling at the girl's face. "He wanted to show you himself. He was going to take you before you went back to Chicago."

"Oh, that kind of thing. Then it's either a candy store or a bookstore," Allie laughs.

Kate wrinkles her nose. "Darn."

"It _is_. Oh, I'm guessing bookstore. Bookstore! Called it," Allie grins widely, turning to tickle Ellery with her fingers, their foreheads crashing together. Ella squirms and giggles, so very adoring of her seldom-seen big sister, and suddenly Kate is stupidly grateful that Castle let her have this one.

She's missed Allie too. She's missed what Allie does for Ellery, how happy the girl is to have her older sister.

"Bookstore," Kate confirms. "But it won't be anything you expect. You guys ready?"

"We're ready. Right, Ella-bean?"

Ella leans in and lays her head against Allie's shoulder. Poor Allie; she always has to entertain the kids, cater to them, pay attention, _me next, Allie, me next._ And Allie does, she gets right down on the floor with them, or she listens to their wild stories, or she nuzzles and cuddles until they feel important.

Kate is lucky to have a step-daughter like Alexis. Lucky that the girl didn't hold Kate's behavior against her when she was pregnant with Dashiell. Lucky that Allie needed someone to call _mom_ almost as much as Kate needed to be needed.

She reaches out and smooths a strand of Ella's hair out of her eyes, realizing in that moment that Castle isn't the only one giving their baby a royal complex. "All right, then. Let's get going. It's only a few blocks."

She moves to lead the way, but at the last second, Ellery leans forward out of Allie's arms. She hold her hands out to Kate, pitiful pleading in those blue eyes. _Mommy._

Stupid, stupid, but Kate's heart thumps and her breath catches at being her daughter's preference, and she takes Ella up into her arms, holding her too close, too tight.

Okay, they all might be guilty of being wrapped around Ella's little finger.

* * *

 _Brazen Head Books._

Allie has needed this.

A long, slow meander through this cramped apartment-turned-bookstore with her so-little sister before she heads back to Chicago. Ellery is quiet, and respectful - she gets that from Kate, Allie thinks, that instinctive posture of wonder before the written word - and it's easy to share books with her, despite her age.

"Oh, Ella, look at this one. I used to read this to Dashy when he was little." Allie slides the book off the shelf with two fingers, prying it from the crowded volumes. "See? Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus."

Ellery sneaks in under her arm to open the book, and Allie settles down on a wicker ottoman placed strategically between the cramped children's bookshelves. She gathers her sister onto her lap, spreads the book over Ellery's legs.

She reads in the same knowing, cheerful voice she read to Dash. "'Hi! I'm the bus driver. Listen, I've got to leave for a little while, so can you watch things for me until I get back? Thanks. Oh, and remember-'"

"'Don't let the pigeon drive the bus,'" a voice finishes.

Allie laughs and glances up to find Kate leaning against the taller bookshelf, lips curled in a smile. "You remember." She leans in over Ellery and hugs her closer. "Did you hear that, Ella-bug? Mommy knows this story really well."

"Dashiell wanted it every night for months," Kate smiles, straightening up and coming towards them. She dusts her fingers over Ellery's forehead and the girl, as usual, ducks out of her mother's touch.

Allie squeezes the girl's knees in retaliation, and Ella squirms, glances up at her mother in the only form of communication Ellery does these days: a penetrating stare. She's got curiously telling eyes and a mouth as wide and expressive as Kate's; she doesn't need words.

"I know, Ellery," Kate murmurs. "I'll leave you alone with Allie. She's not here much longer." Kate leans in and kisses Ella's cheeks, one after another with that smacking sound, being a little silly with it. It works, breaking Ellery's ferocity with giggles. Always so serious.

Kate lifts and touches her kiss to Allie's forehead, a brief glance of cool lips, shocking in its familiarity and yet - and yet, so foreign to her.

Allie has been in Chicago so long now, away from her family, that she's forgotten how Kate adopted her. Forgotten what it means to be one of Kate's.

"See you in an hour or so," her mother says quietly. "I'll be browsing, if you need me." Kate glances down at Ellery. "Though I know _you_ , my stubborn girl, won't need me one bit. Have fun with Allie."


	2. Chapter 2

**The Giving Store**

* * *

After Kate gives the girls some time alone, reading all about the Pigeon's exploits, the three of them wander the store together. Allie and Kate compare notes and swap recommendations with the girl haunting their feet, in and around the shelves, though Kate doesn't let her get too far out of sight. That Ella quietly doesn't seem to mind the adult conversation is par for the course when it comes to the girl.

At one point, Ellery snakes her hand up to Allie and tugs on her sister's jean pocket, wanting her attention. Kate pauses to let Allie give her attention to Ellery, and the little girl takes Allie by the hand and leads her off, apparently having spotted something she wants. Allie tosses Kate a laugh over her shoulder and a shrug as if to say, _we'll be right back._

When Ellery comes back around the corner with a green book hugged against her chest, Kate drops to her knees to accept the offering that Ellery holds out to her like treasure. "Oh, I see. What do you have here, baby girl?"

Allie is right behind her, combing her fingers through Ella's pony tail, twirling it so it flips around and around. Kate glances up to Allie for confirmation, though she's not sure why she thinks the girl knows any better, but Allie nods down to the book.

Ella places it in her mother's hands and Kate sinks back on her heels and glances at it. The Giving Tree. Shel Silverstein.

"Oh. Ella." Kate stares at the bright green cover, a boy and his tree, and her heart flutters. Ellery is standing just apart from her, but Kate slides an arm around her daughter and drags the girl into her lap, regardless of Ella's natural preference for self-containment. "I _loved_ this book when I was little."

"It's been around a long time." Allie sinks down to an armchair in the Russian literature section, the widest space the cramped apartment offers. "I remember reading it too."

Kate leans back against a bookcase with Ellery in her lap, her fingers brushing the cover. "My mom... she used to read this to me." She holds the book carefully, the heat of her small daughter against her chest, and speaks into Ella's ear. "I was afraid of the dark when I your age, and my mom would read it to me."

The girl tilts her head back and glances up at Kate, a little disbelief there maybe. Kate huffs softly and combs her fingers through the wisps of hair loosened from her pony tail. Ellery fingers the sharp corner of the book, flicking at the dust jacket like she's not sure she believes her mother was ever really afraid of anything.

"It always felt like it was so late at night. The darkest hours. I was still awake, too afraid to sleep, too stubborn to call out for my parents - but my mom seemed to know. She would sit on my bed with me and read in the light coming in from the hallway. This was usually the one she picked."

Allie props her chin on her fist with that melancholy sigh, as she always does when Kate talks about her mother. Kate figures that Allie needs those stories as much as Kate needs to tell them, as much as Kate needs a daughter to hear them. Either girl, both girls. Another woman to appreciate Johanna Beckett, a daughter to carry that flame of memory. It seems so important that her light not go out.

Kate shakes herself free. "I'm sure my mom read other books. I just don't remember any of them. Only this one. The Giving Tree. What a good choice, cricket."

As if she's been listening intently, Ellery's little palm splays over the cover, and her fingers stroke the outline of the boy. She has that same reverence for books that Kate has always had, that Dashiell entirely lacks. Even Castle doesn't approach books the same way that Kate does: a little in awe of their mystery. Maybe because Castle _writes_ books, and has always felt more than capable of being their equal.

Ellery opens the cover and pats the title page.

Kate's throat closes up, and she sees Allie giving her a strange look. She should explain, but Ellery is twisting in her arms and touching a hand to Kate's cheek. _Read, Mommy._

So she takes only one more moment to clear her throat, turns her head to kiss her daughter's little palm. She has to blink fast to keep it back, and she ignores Allie leaning forward, her compassion and question. It's only memory. It's only the _why_ of everything, just as it has always been.

"Once there was a tree," she murmurs into Ellery's ear. She can hear her own mother's cadence just over her own, how similar their voices have become. "And she loved a little boy. And everyday the boy would come..."

* * *

Allie is the first to notice, and she doesn't know what to do, how to stop it.

The apartment is crowded with bookshelves that create these separate, narrow alcoves and hidden places. She's sitting in a faded, old-smelling armchair with a paisley pattern, straight out of the seventies and perfectly comfortable, while Kate sits on the floor with Ellery in her lap, reading the children's book.

The book her own mother read to her, the book Kate reads to them now, she and Ella both. How does Allie know with such certainty that Kate is reading this one to them both? Kate isn't even looking at her, but she's included Allie in it somehow. Her voice pitched just right so that Allie is caught in the spell.

But Ellery is upset.

Allie can see it, sitting as she is opposite the two of them, and she knows her little sister well. First her face turns mulish, and stubborn, and her hands curl into fists on Kate's knees. And then her head presses back into Kate's chest and she stops looking at the book. She's fighting it. Whatever it is.

Ellery darts a look to Allie and then away when she sees her sister watching. Allie tries not to draw attention to the fact that she's noticed, but she touches her toe to Kate's foot, hoping to clue in their mother.

"'I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?'" Kate reads softly. Her voice is melodic and soothing and somehow as forlorn as the story itself, and Allie nudges Kate's toe a little harder.

Kate lifts her head on the words, _Then you can sail away and be happy._ Her eyes catch on Allie's, so Allie gestures to Ellery sitting in Kate's lap.

Kate twines an arm around Ella and kisses the top of her head. It seems to make it worse, though Ellery is hanging on, the struggle only in the storm in her eyes, the stiffness of her neck. She looks like a small version of Kate.

"After a long time, the boy came back again," Kate reads quietly.

Her fingers flutter on the pages and smooth them down. She keeps checking Ella's face, but Ella says nothing. They're so near the end, and Kate begins rubbing smooth circles over Ellery's arm, as if to soothe. She carries on with the story, and Allie is now almost certain it's the story itself, and her mother's voice, that's making Ellery upset.

"'I am sorry,' sighed the tree. 'I wish that I could give you something... but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump.'" Kate sighs and lifts a hand to the top of Ella's head, petting, and the girl closes her eyes - but Kate can't see it.

Allie doesn't know how to stop it, doesn't know how to explain what's happening either - because she's not exactly sure what's happening. _Why_ has Ellery gotten so upset?

"'I don't need very much now,' said the boy. 'Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired.'"

And then Ellery chokes out a sob and twists her body into Kate, flinging her arms around her mother.

* * *

Kate drops the book.

It slides right off her thigh and to the floor as she circles her arms around her daughter cautiously, cupping the back of Ella's head and holding her close. "What's wrong, little cricket?"

Allie slinks off the chair and sits before her, their knees touching. She reaches out and pats Ellery's back. Mouths, _crying._

Kate presses a kiss to Ellery's cheek, hiding her face alongside her daughter's, trying to find her little girl's heart. "Hey, Ella. Sweet girl, it's okay. Are you sad?"

Ellery nods against her neck, arms tightening.

"Okay, that's okay," Kate murmurs, giving Allie a helpless look.

Allie shrugs back. "Did the book make you sad, Ella-bean?" Her fingers scratch Ellery's back and Kate can feel her daughter shiver at the sensation. Dash does that too.

She tugs lightly only Ella's pony tail. "It's a sad book, isn't it? It's sad in the middle because the boy has taken so much from his tree. His tree that loves him and loves him and just keeps giving. Did it make you sad to see the tree just a stump?"

A nod again, fingers tightening.

"Okay. I know. You and me, Ellery Kate. The words get to us, don't they?" She gives Allie a wry smile. "Your daddy writes books too, you know. The shelf in Daddy's office, the high shelf you're not supposed to climb? That has Daddy's books on it. The ones he wrote about me. Did you know that?"

Ellery loosens one hand, and Kate can feel her shift. She's caught the girl's interest, given her something to distract her from her sadness. Oh, poor Ella, just like Kate herself, made so unhappy with emotions that can't be controlled.

"This book in my lap, Ella? My mom read it to me because it's not really about how sad it is. It's not about the boy at all. It's called The Giving Tree because it's about the tree. How much the tree loves her boy. How the tree gives her boy everything she has."

Ella lifts her head a little, but only to turn and rest her cheek against Kate's shoulder. Kate rubs a hand down her daughter's back and glances to Allie, raising an eyebrow in question. Allie leans in and glances quickly at Ellery's face, shakes her head. _Tears,_ she mouths.

Kate picks up the book and places it on her other knee, opening it and turning the pages one-handed. "Hey, Ellery? Look, we only have this one last page. Don't you want to see how it ends? It gets better."

Ellery doesn't move, but she doesn't seem entirely resistant either. Hard to know with Ella, so Kate takes a chance, reads the final words.

"'Well,' said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, 'well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest.'"

Ellery's head turns and she glances down to Kate's knee, looking at the page.

Kate goes on, pretending she hasn't noticed her daughter's hesitant interest. The illustration on the page shows the old man - Boy - sinking down to the tree stump, finally at rest. "'Sit down and rest,'' she echoes softly. "And the boy did. And the tree was _happy_."

Ellery curls in, touching her fingers to the page, one arm still around Kate's neck.

"The End." Kate strokes the girl's nape, the wisps of hair falling out of her pony tail. "See, sweetheart? The Boy came back, he came back to be with his Tree. And that's all she wanted. She was so glad to give; she was _happy_ to give. Anything at all."

Ellery is quiet, and Kate can't see her eyes, so she glances up to Allie. Allie bites her lower lip and ducks her head a little, trying to peek, but Ella hides her face in Kate once more.

"Okay, sweetheart," Kate murmurs. "It's still sad, I know. It is a little. But you know what I love so much about this book?"

Ellery actually answers. It's a soft sound against her ear, the girl's mouth pressed close to speak. "What, Mommy?"

Kate shivers, holding Ella tighter, her heart flipping. "This book tells me just how much my mom loved me. Just like the tree loves her boy, no matter what he does or what he asks for or how old he gets, my mom loved me - loves me - like that too. And I'm your mom, Ellery, and I love you just like that. No matter what. Anything at all."

Ellery twines both arms around Kate's neck, her legs wrap around Kate's torso, and she squeezes.

Kate swallows at the lump in her throat, tries to give her daughter the words - even if she's not old enough to understand them - because Ella is so much like Kate, and Kate needed words, has always needed them so desperately to make things right. Maybe, one day in the future, Ellery will remember reading this book with her mother just as Kate does, and maybe then it will all click for Ella, and she'll see her own story in its pages.

"Love you so very much, Ella. Anything you need. Even if you just need to sit down and rest." Kate lifts her head and snags Allie's hand in hers, squeezing her too. "You too, Alexis. Anything you need."

And now Allie is crying too.

Well, Kate has kind of made a mess of their girls' day.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Giving Store**

* * *

Kate gathers up her girls, carrying Ellery in her arms, but gripping Allie by an elbow and propelling her to her feet as well. She hugs Allie tightly, tangling Ella between them, trying to ease the moment.

"It's okay," Allie chokes out. "I'm okay. I don't know why I'm crying."

Kate closes a fist in Allie's thick, red hair and hugs her a little harder. "I didn't mean to start a sob fest. Allie, come on. Ella. Girls. What's going on today?"

Allie laughs, a kind of helpless thing, and knocks her forehead into Ellery's. "We're a mess, aren't we, Ella-bean?"

"It's okay if you're a mess," Kate tries. She's always pushing the stronger emotions away from her, made uncertain by the mess. She's trying not to do that, trying not to model that kind of behavior for her daughter. And neither does she want Allie to think she can't feel what she feels. "We can all be a mess if we need to. But what's going on?"

"Nothing, it's nothing. I'm just really overwhelmingly grateful for you. Mom."

"Oh." A squeeze of her heart. As it always does when Allie is so purposeful about calling Kate _mom_. Chosen. It never loses its power. Ever. "You know I'm grateful for you too, right? In so many ways, Alexis."

"I - I know."

Does she? Kate releases the young woman and steps back, glancing past the alcove of Russian literature to make certain they're not disturbing anyone else. But the apartment-store is basically deserted this afternoon. "Should we go somewhere and talk? We could leave and-"

"No."

Two sets of incredulous eyes turn to Ellery, who has very clearly stated her opinion on the matter.

"Well," Allie laughs. "I guess that settles it. We weren't really done browsing, were we?"

"We can talk as we browse," Kate offers, wanting to. "You ought to know how much you've made me a better mother."

Allie's jaw drops.

"Oh, come on, Allie," Kate groans. "We've talked about this before."

"Before," Allie hedges, nodding. "Before is - before." A kind of helpless look.

"Time doesn't _change_ anything," Kate huffs, shifting Ellery to her hip. "If I haven't said it in a while, it doesn't mean it's not true. I love you to pieces, kid."

"I know, I know it's not - it's just good to hear," Allie rushes on. "Chicago has shook me up, and just when I think I know what I want, it's all pulled out from under me. It's just good to hear."

Then Kate _must_ do a better job about speaking up. This is ridiculous. She had no idea that Allie was feeling so... lonely.

"Come on, let's keep looking. Ellery, baby, how are you doing?" She brushes the hair off Ella's forehead, her bangs falling back the moment Kate removes her hand. The girl leans away, the tears gone, so Kate puts her on her feet. "Take my hand, sweetheart."

Ellery does, which is somehow a surprise, and Kate reaches back to Allie and takes her hand too, the three of them linked. Allie blushes and squeezes her fingers around Kate's, looking embarrassed by the whole thing.

"Books," Kate says firmly. "Heal all wounds."

"I thought that was time? Time heals all wounds?"

"Where do you think you find all of time but right here?" Kate nods to the shelves around them. "Whole lifetimes in these words. Best escape, and best weapons, equipping you for anything that might come."

* * *

It's not that the day is ruined, Allie doesn't really think that. But there seems to be this unspoken understanding about a need for caution. _Tread carefully._

Not just for herself, and whatever tender-heartedness has happened while she's been home for spring break, but for her little sister who apparently feels so morose over a fictional tree that she cried in public.

And for their mother. _Their_ mother, the possessive pronoun alone making Allie's eyes sting.

They're all a little fragile this afternoon, _handle with care_. Maybe it's just finally _being_ handled with care, as opposed to all the rough hands and rougher edges.

"Have you found something else?" Kate asks her. She has Ellery by the hand so that Allie is the one carrying their stack.

"No," she says hastily, putting the book back on the shelf. "Just these. Mostly school books."

"Boring," Kate teases a little, but she's smiling and leading them towards the massive oak desk that serves as a register. A Curious George monkey sits on the corner and Ellery reaches out her hand and takes it, filching it quickly. "Ella, you have to ask first."

Ellery lifts her chin to the older man sitting behind the desk, both her stubbornness and her plaintive _want_ so clearly on display.

"Ask Michael if it's okay," Kate prompts. She flashes the man a quick smile, but he's already smiling back. Evidently they know each other. "Michael, how are you? How's business?"

"Going under," he says cheerfully, standing up to greet them. He has a brief embrace for Kate. "I'll be closed by next year, I'm sure. And is this the Queen, Ellery Kate? Ellery you may certainly hold George while you are here, especially since you are named for a character on these very shelves."

Kate brushes the hair off Ella's forehead. "What do you say, cricket?"

"Thank you." A little growl of fierceness in it, but there are words nonetheless. Alexis feels faintly proud of her sister, even though it's not her doing at all.

"And this is Alexis," Kate says, a hand to Allie's back and pushing her forward. "Rick's oldest. I'm sure you've-"

"Oh, yes, yes. How very nice to meet you, Alexis." He takes the stack of books from her and then offers his hand to shake. When he smiles, his teeth are tobacco-stained, but his kindness is genuine. "Your father talks about you non-stop."

"You know my dad?" she blurts out. Why is she so surprised? Her father knows everyone, especially eccentric people who love books. Especially eccentric people who love books and run a book store in their own apartment.

"Your dad and I come here a lot," Kate explains. "Michael has community meetings - salons - where we talk about books and politics and well, anything at all. They're fun. Inspiring."

"Richard has a lot to say about a great many things," Michael says. Allie can't quite make out if he's being sarcastic or earnest. Maybe both. "He's a dear friend, you both are. Alexis, any time you want to browse the shelves, you just call."

She takes the business card from him, cheeks flaming, but she finds herself thinking that _Rafe_ would really love this place. Rafe? Of all people. Weirdly enough, she can't imagine her boyfriend in here with her at all. But her grad school room mate, Rafe, she can totally see falling in love.

With this place. Just. With this place, not... He's such a great room mate, never bothers her, makes _dinner_ for them and leaves it ready for her to heat up when she gets home.

And Mike has been driving her a little crazy these days. She thought-

"Allie?"

"Yeah," she says quickly, tucking the card into her back pocket. "No, it's nothing. Just - wandered off. Thinking about school."

Kate's face is composed, but behind her eyes, Allie can see she's calculating, _smart._ As if she's figured something out. But Kate doesn't push it, she only turns back to Michael and pulls a credit card out of her pocket.

* * *

Kate is carrying the cloth bag of books on her shoulder and her daughter in her arms when she spots the frozen yogurt place. "Hey, let's stop here. A little break. Ella, baby, you want some ice cream?"

"Ice cream," she says distinctly.

Kate rolls her eyes at the look from Allie, both of them in unspoken agreement: Ellery can talk when she wants to. There's nothing wrong with her.

"Then ice cream it is. Good way to end our day together, wouldn't you say?"

She nudges on Allie to get them out of the flow of foot traffic, and then they head at a more sedate pace for the yogurt shop. Allie holds the door open for them, and Kate slides inside, immediately blasted by a wave of super-chilled air and the wall of noise from a very busy store.

"Huh," Allie mutters. "It's crowded."

Ellery presses her body against Kate's chest, arms hooking around her neck, her chin propped on Kate's shoulder so that she's staring at the people who have come in behind them. Kate hustles to the back of the line, Allie surveying the seating area.

"I don't know that we're going to find a table," she says, her shoulder brushing Kate's. Everyone is too close, no room to move, the typical mom-and-pop establishment in New York. Space has always been at a premium, and Kate has to admit that the loft has spoiled her.

She doesn't like crowds. And apparently, neither does Ella.

"If you see a table open up," Kate says, "nab it for us."

"Will do."

"Tell me your order, just in case. Ellery? You want to sit down with Allie when we get a table?"

Ellery nods, but Allie frowns at the busy place. "If we even get a table."

The line barely moves. Allie scouts ahead to figure out what she wants and then reports back to them, obviously trying to engage Ellery in speech.

"They have pink bubblegum," she teases. "Your favorite."

Ella wrinkles her nose.

"Oh, that's right. That's Dashiell's favorite. But you definitely like pistachio."

Ellery violently shakes her head, her whole body moving in Kate's arms. They shuffle forward a half-step and Kate peers past the overly tall man in front of her booming into his cell phone. Waffle cone and something coffee-flavored, she hopes. All she asks of this trip.

"No? Not pistachio? I could've sworn. Well, then, it must be mint julep. Mm, just like brushing your teeth."

"No!" Ellery gasps.

Allie and Kate both laugh, Kate lifting a hand to brush down errant strands of Ella's hair, kissing her forehead in commiseration. "I don't like mint ice cream either, baby girl. We can get strawberry, or the banana and chocolate. Just like our milkshakes. How does that sound?"

Ellery's little body slumps in relief and she nods, which Kate assumes means either option is fine with her. Allie tugs on Ella's leg and the two sisters engage in some kind of game that involves Ella kicking at her and hiding her face in Kate's shirt.

After five minutes, they've moved to the glass case where patrons order, but the teenaged worker has disappeared somewhere, and they're standing and waiting, Kate trying not to grow annoyed.

"Hey, mom, just get me a scoop of chocolate peanut butter with those crushed oreos - I found a table!"

Allie darts off, sliding out of the line and threading her way across the seating area, even as Ellery makes a noise of protest and leans out. "Oof, straighten up, baby." She has to manhandle the girl back against her. "Ella, I think she forgot. I'm not putting you down in here, cricket; you'd get swallowed up."

Ellery whines in her ear, but the teenager has reappeared, and Kate steps up to place their order, concentrating over Ella's displeasure, the man ahead of them on his phone, and the crowded yogurt place.

And then she shuffles forward to wait in another line for her order to be ready.

Kate spots Allie in the back corner, cleaning off a table with thin paper napkins, a tiny plastic thing that wobbles every time she swipes at it. Kate can see from here that it won't work, too narrow a space with Ellery, and Kate is definitely too tall to fit her legs under that thing, but it's all that's available.

It's a production getting their yogurt as well. Kate was stupid to order a waffle cone, and she realizes it the second they hand it over to her. She can't put it down, can't rest it anywhere, and she's carrying Ellery plus the books over her shoulder. The girl behind the register where Kate needs to pay is eyeing her critically, and expectantly, and Kate can't get to her card.

"Can you hold this a moment?" she says, handing it back. The girl takes the cone, though she looks extremely reluctant, and Kate quickly digs her card out of her pocket and taps it against the chip reader, suddenly so very grateful that Castle insisted on getting these fancy new credit cards.

She shoves her card into the back pocket of her jeans, and then she ignores the girl trying to hand over her waffle cone. Instead, Kate takes the dish of strawberry ice cream and gently places it in Ella's hands.

"You have to be very careful, cricket. I need your help to carry everything, okay?"

Ella gives a rather solemn nod of her head and Kate turns back to the counter, aware that she's holding up the line but not caring. She takes the waffle cone in a practiced grip and then uses two fingers to drag Allie's cup against the cone. It's a moment of heart-thudding _oh no_ until she can get the heavy cup propped against Ella's leg, and then she turns around.

And nearly gets plowed over by a kid running through the tables.

Kate jumps back, a fast look to Ella to be sure the girl still has her own cup (she does, good girl, very good girl), and then Kate makes her slow way towards Allie. Ready to give up.

The afternoon is hanging by a thread, so close to being absolutely ruined. She's made her daughter cry, she's made _Allie_ cry, and now they're going to be crammed into a tiny table with no breathing room, and the air conditioning on max even though it's barely seventy outside, and the place so busy her shoulders are already hunched around her ears.

Plus, she can't imagine Ella lasting long in here either.

But Allie stands up and meets them before Kate can even get to the table. Her brow is a furrowed line as she takes her ice cream delicately from Kate. "Can we - get out of here?"

Kate lets out a long breath. "Oh, _please_. I can't stand it."

"Central Park?" Allie offers. "I know it's almost five blocks, but-"

"No, that's perfect. That's perfect. Let's get out of here."


	4. Chapter 4

**The Giving Store**

* * *

Kate's ice cream is half gone by the time they slide under the cool shade of the tree-lined path in Central Park. She's had to eat it quickly as it melted in the sun, licking her fingers and the cone as well, but it drew giggles out of Ella's mouth, making it completely worth it.

Under the trees, Kate can let Ella down to her feet, and the girl runs ahead on the path, picking up sticks even as she holds her ice cream cup aloft, keeping it protected. Allie finds them one of those oversized wooden benches that looks like it was hewn straight from the tree, and she and Kate sit down to finish their ice cream.

The breeze tickles the back of Kate's neck, makes the leaves overhead rustle and shiver. Ellery plays on the other side of Allie, stopping from time to time to take another bite of her strawberry scoop with its gummy bear topping. Kate catches sight only of her pony tail bobbing, but it's enough to know the girl is still with them.

"Thanks for taking me to that bookstore," Allie says quietly, her face to the dapples of sun. "I really needed that."

Kate waits on the girl, but Allie doesn't say anything more. Why she needed it, why she was moved to tears. "So talk to me about grad school," Kate pushes, hoping to open things up. Allie started the program last semester after finishing her undergrad at Chicago as well. She hasn't heard a bad word about the university, but it's obvious that something has Allie upset.

"No, it's fine. It's not that," she says, sighing and tilting her head back. The gold in her hair catches the light that manages to filter between the trees, and her green-blue eyes flash open again. "It's Mike."

"Oh." Kate's stunned actually. She thought Allie and her friends were calling him McDreamy like the old tv show. Her boyfriend seemed so charming and pleasant when Kate met him, really sweet on Allie. "What's... wrong?"

"He's - um - he's... I don't know how to really say this."

A cold horror washes through Kate, ice water in her veins. "Did he hurt you?" she rasps, sitting up straight on the bench like she could do _anything_ at all to change-

"No!" Allie yelps, blushing furiously. "No, oh my God, Kate. No. _Mom_. Like I'd ever let some guy hurt me."

"You'd be surprised," Kate mutters, hiding her eyes behind her hand for a moment's recovery. "Hell, Alexis, you scared the crap out of me. Oh, God, you're not pregnant, are you?"

Alexis bursts into laughter, and Kate drops her hand, taking it as a sign that the girl isn't, in fact, pregnant.

"No, I'm not pregnant, but jeez, you're one to talk."

"I wasn't twenty-three," Kate shoots back, narrowing her eyes. "Don't you dare get pregnant before you know who you are and what you want out of life. If you know that right now, then fine. Get pregnant."

Allie sobers fast and gives her a quick nod. "No, I - guess that's part of my issue. I don't... I'm not sure I know who I really am."

"People change," Kate offers, redirecting her thoughts, trying to soften her tone. "Especially in college. We find out who we are and what matters, what truly is most important."

"Yeah, but I'm not in college any more, am I? I'm in grad school, supposedly on track to be a professional, have my life together, and in _my_ line of work, I'm telling other girls what to do with their lives. Same exact words of wisdom. Don't get pregnant, finish school, find out who you are. And yet-"

"And yet you don't know what to do with your own life," Kate finishes, sinking back to the bench. This? This, she can do. This is the kind of mothering that Kate excels at - being a listening ear and a sounding board. She's done this from the beginning, before the beginning, back when Castle was freaking out about his fifteen year old having a crush he didn't know about.

It makes her smile, thinking about him, about how far they've come, how much they've changed. Matured. Grown together. All the songs make sense.

Allie grumbles, chucking her ice cream cup at the camouflaged trash can. "I don't know what to do with my life. Personally, I mean. Professionally, it's completely mapped out. It is so _clear_ to me what happens next. But personally..."

"I know you've said that you want kids," Kate offers. "Despite my comment about getting pregnant, I don't want you to think that I don't value that as a personal choice. Even - even as a professional choice, Allie, if that's what you want."

The young woman gives her a wry smile. "Thanks, Mom, but that's, um, kind of exactly the opposite problem."

"Oh?" Why does Kate's heart beat a little fast to hear Allie say she doesn't yet want kids? She's afraid it's some lingering condescension for a way of life that Kate never would have picked on her own, never would have even found had it not been by accident. Because of Castle. And that's really unfair, and kind of sad, and she doesn't want Allie to waste time if that's what she wants.

Allie rubs her fingers against her jeans. "Mike wants kids. Um. Now."

"Oh, God," she blurts out. And then winces at hearing herself. Kate hopes Allie isn't just modeling herself on Kate, her only real example maternal strength, and pushing away what could be the greatest thing in her life. "I mean - obviously, you guys are the best thing that's ever happened to me. The Castle family. All of you. Big and little."

Allie gives a flustered laugh and glances at her. "Well, thanks. I think you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, too. But I don't want kids right now. And - maybe this is really awful - but the idea of kids with Mike makes my stomach turn. And I think... didn't you say once that you felt like that about dad?"

Kate chuckles, lifting an eyebrow in self-deprecation. "Hmm, well. I - it's quite possible I said that. But I think it was - the whole idea of being pushed into something I wasn't ready for. But Dash made me ready, forced me to be ready, and well, he taught me. Poor kid. He was my little guinea pig. And your poor dad. He might not seem like it, but he has the loyalty and patience of a saint."

Allie shakes her head, scraping a hand back through her hair. "Don't sell yourself short. You're great. Totally made for - well, I don't know, that seems disingenuous. You weren't made to be a mom. You were made to be badass. But it really does feel like you were made to be Dash and Ellery's mom."

"And yours," she says firmly. "After a time."

Allie blushes, but her smile is both shy and pleased. "And mine."

"I feel the same - I was made to be a mom to some very specific kids," Kate smiles back. "And you know, you will too. You'll hold your newborn and feel like your whole body and soul have been broken open for that little mewling thing. Just for them. No one else."

Allie blinks and then stares down at the ice cream in her cup.

Kate frowns and wonders where they've gone off the road. She's had conversations with Alexis about this before, about having kids, how excited Allie is to have her own family, to be a mom, despite some pretty mediocre examples in her own life. (Despite Kate's instincts screaming _no_ whenever Allie expresses her life-goals in terms of how many children she wants.)

Kate hopes she hasn't done this. Somehow turned the girl off.

"And you know," she offers, trying to get them back on track. "It's really amazing, what it does to you, having a kid. But it's smart to think about what it does to your relationship too, smart to think about you and Mike. That was _hard_. Your dad and I had therapy before Ella was born, just so that we knew how to communicate effectively with each other. So just because you and Mike aren't perfect, doesn't mean it won't work-"

"I don't want kids with him," Allie blurts out, cheeks pink, but her face so very convicted. "I want kids. But I can't even imagine - it makes me _sick_ \- to think of those kids being his. I _dream_ about my kids, Kate. I have such vivid... and I can't do it with him. But I _love_ him."

Kate gently lays her hand over Allie's in the girl's lap, rubs her thumb over Allie's knuckles. "Oh, honey. I'm sorry." She takes in a long breath and hates that she has to say this, but it's necessary. "Maybe he's not the man you want for your family. If you want kids, but you don't want _his_ , then your heart is trying to tell you something."

Allie groans, tilting her head back, but Kate can't make this decision for her. And maybe she's entirely wrong. Maybe that same instinctive dismissal she had for Castle and his arrogant, jackass ways is what Allie is feeling now, a feeling that could actually change with time. With a more forgiving love, a deeper understanding, a little mercy and maturity.

"Okay, Allie, no more advice. You just want to vent, I get it. But - please? - listen to your instincts. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and, unlike me, you're not afraid of what you want in the personal department. Plus you've had a thousand behavioral therapy classes, abnormal psychology, deviant behavior - I think you'll know when it's right and when it's not. Just don't _rush_ into anything, okay? Give yourself some time. You're young. I didn't have Dash until I was in my thirties."

Allie lifts her head, gives Kate a wan smile. "That's true. You're right." A little breath of relief. "I _do_ have time. We have time. I'll talk to Mike when I get back to Chicago. We'll - he can wait. I mean, we've got to get through school first anyway."

"There you go. It'll work out. I promise. One way or another."

Allie grins now, looking so much more at ease than she has all week. Kate wishes the girl had spilled her guts at the beginning of her spring break rather than holding it in all this time. Though she's hardly one who can throw stones.

"Hey, where's Ellery?" Allies says.

Kate sits up straight, scanning the trees. She grins and nods with her head as she spots her daughter's pony tail. "Just off the path, behind the bench. See? She's got her back to us."

Allie peers through the cool shadows and cocks her head. " _What_ is she doing?"

Kate studies her daughter a moment, the angle of the girl's body, the bob of her head. "Huh. I don't know. Let's investigate."

Kate slips off the bench with Allie following behind, both of them somehow knowing that they must be absolutely silent. If Ellery knows she's being observed, she'll cease her play, whatever it is.

It is only in that sudden, advancing silence that Kate realizes how otherworldly it is under the trees, how their height and grave darkness of bark makes them seem like sober wizards conferring. The air is rich with loam, the light cool green, touching on her arms and neck and face, the struggle of spring.

Ellery is crouched before one of these old and imposing trees, lifting her spoon from the cup and touching her pink ice cream to barked lips.

Kate halts. Behind her, Allie, grips her shirt and stops, the too-loud sound of twigs breaking and breaths catching.

The tree has something like a face - knobs where drought or disease have blighted the trunk long ago, creating a wizened expression, drooping eyes, a crooked gash of a mouth. Maybe it was lightning that scarred the tree, but however it got there, Ellery is feeding the tree her ice cream.

And talking to it.

"More?" she's saying, tilting her spoon into the bark so it dribbles a little pink line. Her voice is as quiet and certain as Kate has ever heard it. She didn't even know the girl knew complete sentences, but here's Ella having an entire conversation alone. She uses a leaf to dab at the dribble. "There, there, you clean now. You happy? I not leave you."

Kate's heart flips, her hands trembling.

"Oh, my God," Allie breathes at her ear.

Ellery replaces her spoon in the cup and sets it down, leans in and puts her cheek to the bark. Her little hand pats the trunk, over and over, soothing. "It okay. He come back. Mommy says he come back for you."

Allie moves like she might dart forward and hug Ellery, but Kate grabs her, holds her back. She shakes her head, begins a slow withdrawal. Allie looks confused, a longing look cast towards Ella, but Kate tugs and they head for the bench.

When they're sitting again, a little shellshocked and breathless, Kate can see the swing of Ellery's pony tail as she comforts the tree. Kate's hands are still shaking a little, but she presses her palms to her knees and catches Allie's questioning look.

"Let her have her world," Kate says, her voice rough. "As long as she can hold on to it."

"What?" Allie frowns. "But - we play pretend all the time. We-"

"No," Kate gets out, shaking her head. Castle would understand. Castle would get it, how vital it is that Ella not be intruded upon. "It's not pretend. It's - what I lost so young, what she'll lose one day too. But not today. Not right now. Don't interrupt her."

"What you lost?" Allie cries out, looking bewildered. "But your mom-"

Kate gives a choked laugh and can't help smiling, still dizzy with what she's witnessed. "Not my mom. No. I lost the ability to _believe_. But we're doing something right, if Ella can believe she needs to comfort a tree. Even if it made her cry. Worth it. Your dad is so good at that-"

"Good at _what_?"

"Magic," Kate breathes. "It's magic."

Ella still has the Castle magic.


End file.
